About a Dad and 3 boys our times together and interactions, not always face to face. I make the most of moments we share, whether in person or via electronic media. I expand these to my blog,to extend the feelings of being with them. I am more than this, but nothing else of me is of equal or even slightest consequence by comparison. I am unwell.Please comment. Comments encouraged and healing!
"The worst of Depression? The loneliness. The worst of loneliness? The Depression"
I was thinking about this ‘being a Dad’ thing, I was trying
to work out how you can know you’re doing it right or even if you should think
I remember recently
writing on another blog in the comments section,reading it is one of those unexpected things that brings huge benefits to you without necessarily realising it at the time,actually it is the blog that
inspired me to have a go http://www.mysonsnotrainman.com . John had written a blog called “Sometimes” in which he was describing a
feeling I know well about how sometimes we are all “shit dads”. I remember
thinking, good grief, he’s beating himself up for doing a good job, I read this
guys blog all the time he sounds so in touch with his sons needs and how to
manage being a Dad and he seems able to forgive himself for his mistakes and move
on, and here he is admitting too what I know I'm guilty of; ‘Not getting it right
all the time and how it feels when it goes wrong’.
John is right, I read back my blogs like he did before that
post, I realise I may give a false
impression from my writing, all I can say is I try to do my best and worry
about it even though the advice I give my boys is not to worry about stuff you
can’t change. Am I a hypocrite? I hope not. I do worry about doing it right, I
do worry about saying right, I worry about my sons future, I worry about what
they do at school what they do at their Mums I worry constantly, all probably
useless worries, because like I tell the boys all that worry uses up energy you
need for important stuff and worrying is not important.
So what am I trying to work out? I'm not sure, and that
seems to be the nub of the thing. As men we are programmed to get things done,
see it through to the end, and create something tangible. The fact is the
Readers Digest book on D.I.Y Dad-hood never got published because there is no
end. Being a Dad goes on forever, there is no end result because once you
become a Dad you are forever and always a Dad. Every day is practice. I've seen
a magazine a while back that I think was called ‘Practical Parenting’. It
should be called ‘Practicing Parenting’ that’s what we are doing, practising
all the time, doing our best and hoping to some invisible intuition that we are
doing it right.
Below is my comment on the blog, completely inadequate but it was heartfelt.
" I wish I was
as patient and knowledgeable of my boys as you are of yours. I don't see
my kids as often as I should because I'm the one with a "condition" I
am terrified that they will "end up like me", because god help me I
made mine as well!. I've been inspired by this blog and it has helped me in
ways I'm not even sure of, I don't have an autistic child so am reticent about
posting sometimes, but this isn't about that it's about being a Dad, and if we
didn't question ourselves and our situation or "our lot" if you
prefer, then none of us would be working hard enough at it. Asking questions of
ourselves is our way of searching for ways to get better at the Dad thing. I
for one am grateful that you put so much thought into it John.I don't follow
this blog because the boy is autistic,I have no frame of reference for that. I
follow it because you are, in my view an astonishing man and Dad.Thank you for
writing this blog.I question my Dad-hood far more as a consequence of it and
I've even been inspired to have a go myself."