Musings, Dad stuff, My boys, Stories, Words, Poems, Things?
Saturday, 27 April 2013
What Do You Wish You Knew?
I should have said before I am a Dad.
Not sure how good a Dad but I try. I wish I was better. More than anything I wish I spent far more time with my remarkable boys. Oh yeah,I forgot! like so many others I am divorced from their mum and she has them for the bulk of time.
A month or so ago I got into a funk about not seeing them more I realised my MH meant it wasn't possible but I decided I should try to do something about it.
Hello! Can you dig me out now Guys!
The Boy's came to visit and we talked about how we could talk to each other more. Like most modern boys they have mobiles and laptops so we set up email accounts for each so I could write things to them as a team or as individuals. We have a thing called "Team *family name* when we do shared chores where each of us has one part to do like washing up. One washes one dry's one puts away that sort of thing.
Most of these will stay personal but I thought I'd put a few on to the blog to show how hard I am trying to keep away the moisture that becomes the smog.
My oldest boy who is 13 asked me that day, 'What did you wish you'd known when you were little that you know now?'
Crikey! (as we English are prone to saying.)
We talked for about an hour with my 9 yr old and 8 yr old boys joining in over a strawberry milk. Middle son 'I bet you wish you knew about all the different types of ants there are eh Dad!' 'Oh yes buddy, I really do.'( I don't need to know now because he tells me!). 'Do you wish you could ride your bike to your friends house like I do Dad?' That's my 8yr old talking. 'Well I did like to do that but not as much as you do!'
My eldest has learnt to be patient with all this and was very quiet after the first few minutes of asking and being interrupted. It seemed important to him I could tell, but I wasn't sure why. We talked quietly after the 2 youngest drifted away to their respective things but like many young men he didn't seem to want to explain why he was interested.
Rain does not stop play!
Our day moved on and before they went I promised to write them each an email almost every day. I've kept a pretty good strike rate up not every day but several times a week at least. Not always a lot sometimes a link to a web site or video or a one line message. But a few days after they had been I sat thinking about the eldest and decided I should try to answer him.
I thought hard about this and I will be honest searched the web for inspiration. Lot's had stuff that was useful but nothing that seemed to answer to my boy specifically. So I jotted a lot of things down and came up with the following.
I sent it to all 3 but my eldest was the one who texted me back an hour or so later. ("Thanks Dad! That's well cool!)
The following is what I sent and
thanks to all on the interweb that inspired it.
These things that I’d like you to
know more than anything else:
YOU! Are more than good enough.
Most people are afraid to do things because they are afraid they’re not
good enough afraid they’ll get it wrong. But ‘YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH’ – Learn this
and you won’t be afraid of new opportunities you won’t be afraid to get it
wrong wont need the approval of others. You’ll be pre-approvedà by you( and me of course! ;)).
Make mistakes! Get it Wrong
Your mistakes will be your best teachers. Instead of being frightened of
mistakes learn to enjoy them. BUT! Learn to learn from them and learn to put
them behind you quickly. You don’t need them to affect your confidence okay?
You don’t need someone else to make you happy with your choices. You don’t need
a teacher to tell you that you’re great at what you do you don’t need a
boyfriend/girlfriend to tell you that you are worth loving you don’t need your
‘friends’ approval. Having loved ones and friends in your life is amazing find
them keep them cherish them but know who you are first.
Have fun being active
Sure there’s a
lot of fun to be had on line and in eating sweets and chips and in
watching Telly and films and playing video games. But going outside and playing
with your friends (or me)) throwing a ball around, swimming climbing
something challenging each other these are even more fun and lead to a
healthier life healthier heart and more energetic better focused and more
Okay I know you
want what you want. Having compassion is about realising we are not more
important than anyone else and we are not the centre of the universe. Someone
annoys you? So What! Get over it! Step outside your little shell and try to
understand how their day is going maybe you can help them be less angry or
suffer less pain. Think about putting the other person first but don’t ignore
your needs and remember a need is not a want!
Never stop Learning
If you just
learn one little something each day it will add up over time
immensely. Never assume you know and never ever be afraid to ask a question there is no such thing as a "stupid question" ! If you don't know
ASK! and if someone tells you it's stupid remember it means they
were too scared to ask for that reason and one day will miss out
because they didn't ask! Stay in education as long as you possibly
can the friends you make in college will last longer than any others you make.
Everything you need to be Happy
you already have
Some people think happiness is in food drugs alcohol shopping partying sex.Because these things make them happy they're wrong. They don't realise
happiness is not what you do it's what you are. Inside you already have the ability to make and create and do something meaningful even in a
small way that's what happiness is.
Spend less than you Earn
Try to save £30 out of every £100 you earn. Everybody that gets money starts
spending immediately usually on possessions eating out stuff they won’t have
5yrs later a car rent often using credit cards. None of these matters as
your life grows don’t spend what you don’t have. Learn to go without be happy
with less now you will have more later on. Learn the difference between need
and want. You work hard for your money so make it work hard for you let it
grow care for it like you would anything in your life.Your future will be
very pleased you did and will thank you; I promise.
Learn to Love Healthy Food
Learn to cook for yourself. (Isn't it great when we cook together?)
Try foods that are new healthy, different. Cook from scratch it's healthier
and much less expensive as we have proved many times. Try everything at least
once. You cannot know until you try. (Do I need to remind you? No thought not!
Do not avoid Discomfort! Get good
Trying to avoid discomfort is a common mistake. I have learned it’s a
mistake. Learning to be okay with some discomfort will change your
life.(Remember the camping holiday? Wasn't that the best fun we've ever had?).
The things that stress you out in the end never matter, they really don’t, let
them go. Take a bigger view of life. Will this matter tomorrow or next week?
The answer is No more often than not. If the answer happens to be Yes then
Deal with it! REMEMBER! Do things the very first opportunity you get!
Savour everything about life
Not just the usual stuff but everything and everyone the stranger on
the bus the sun on your face, the morning quiet, time with loved ones, time
alone, the sound of your breath as you run. Slow down, take time to think and relax.Read a book, clear your mind occasionally. If you have to make the same
journey every day make a conscious decision to notice differences each day you
make that trip. It is possible, if you really look, it may be a new bird, a
flower, a loose roof tile, a newly dug hole, who knows? Look! and think about
looking pay attention to your surroundings they matter.
At least once in Life: Start your own Business
I always thought
that owning a business was what other people did. I was wrong. It’s possible
for anyone to start their own business and while you'll probably do
badly at first you'll learn quickly. It’s a very effective education
possibly as good as college. Everything useful I've learnt
was learnt from doing. That said; I've had some amazing
teachers. They're not always in school,
though: they're everywhere. A friend I made at work my parents, friends, brothers,
sisters, grandparents, uncles and aunts my wife, even you, my children.
Teachers are everywhere, if you're willing to learn. Realise everyone
has the potential to teach you something even if it's how not to do something!
Change is Good-: Learn to be Good at Change
is something you can guarantee will happen. Learn to let go of “things” and
learn to have a flexible mind. Don't get stuck doing what's
comfortable don't shut out what’s new or uncomfortable. Accept
change and it will be better for you it’s a part of life go with it and relax
you might just find you like it.
Let Life be Amazing
Life can be amazing if you don’t shut it out. People are
amazing if you don’t shut them out. Be willing to accept that hurt sometimes
comes with an open heart,(you’ll survive)that’s how to experience the best of
life. Success is cool but not as a rule to live by unless it’s about success
in love and family. Love your family, friends, co-workers, stranger, your brothers
and sister, humanity. Love even those that think they are your enemy let them
make that choice though you must never do so. Love the animals we treat as
friends and food but most of all; Love You! There’s a song called ‘The
Greatest Love of All’ by a singer called George Benson, download it and learn
the words by heart, okay?