Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts

Tuesday, 26 April 2016

Maybe you’re in mad (A Sonnet)


"It's not that you believe people are lying when they tell you that they love you, or when they say that you have value. You just think they're mistaken. 'I love you.' 'I know you do. I know you think you do.’ It’s all in the thought" (Agides, 2015)

Maybe you’re in mad  

Belief in mental illness is the same
as she convinced by what she thinks is real.
In search of feeling... fearful of the name
its promise without trust; has no appeal.
Shaping shared translations each will steal
closer to the truth than many others.
Compassion their combined Achilles heel
agápe flowed, from blind-hearted mothers.
When lovers say they love you; have they lied?
When loves announce they lied; is that your truth?
Affection seems like bullshit we denied
or failed to learn as signals in our youth.
All should just believe that love is giving 
Live to love: a life that is worth living

Monday, 18 April 2016

She'll Have To Go

There was only one solution. He had to get rid of the dog; without them knowing. At night. It would need to be at night. He would drive, someplace. He’d decide later where, open the doors, let it out, drive away. Sooner the better. He felt relieved making the decision. Any action was better than none. He was convinced.
The dog adored car journeys and loved its station wagon bed. Visits to family, the treat giving vet or the large park across town; where she got to run free of the leash. There’d be no trouble sneaking her out.
An hour in with light failing he had a sense she had not settled. In the rearview mirror he saw her wandering in circles looking for the perfect spot to curl up. Lifting her nose, sniffing the air, another four-footed waltz; and repeat. Could she sense his unease? Was his musk of worry drifting back? She’d always been asleep by now. He could see she was unsettled. He could feel his own tension. He watched as she nosed the air as if trying to identify a scent.
A well-lit free-way, long, narrow and straight. It went on for an age and the car seemed not to change direction for even longer. Her ears had remained pricked since he’d noticed. She now seemed to be searching for shapes and sounds through the rear window. They exited the highway onto a narrow street. After half a mile he turned onto a dirt track. The noise from the tires changed. A lower register of loose gravel surrounded the car. He killed the engine. Surrounded by sentinel pines he crooked his head to look up through the windshield to find some sky. He saw treetops almost touching, like fingers closing in prayer. He sat back and blew out his cheeks.
Opening his door he stepped into the night. The internal light lit inches of darkness. She stood expectantly, tail slashing the air. He wandered away hearing the beginning of her whine.
Wandering to a space between trees he relaxed against one. As he tidied himself the interior light went out. At that moment the weight of the darkness around him became overwhelming and he felt his eyes moisten under the strain. He had to do this. It had become impossible. She’d be fine. Someone would take her in - she was gentle, just needy. 
He lowered the tailgate. The inside light flashed on, staring at him accusingly. She gazed up, perched on her haunches, awaited the command. ‘O.K. come on’.
She jumped down. Squatting down to calm her he grabbed her ruff, shook it and fussed her firmly. Thumping his leg with her hysterical tail she spotted the ball in his hand and began bobbing and spinning like a Cossack dancer. He rolled the ball into the head-lighted track half a dozen times so that she became distracted by the game. The seventh, pressing his calf against the front fender for purchase, he launched the ball with immense force into the blackness.
As he drove the salt of effort, ache and gloom mixed to stain his face. He had gunned the gas pedal and spun the car down the track as fast as he dare; wheels bouncing off the surface at each dip. He reached the road. The surface smoothed as he approached the intersection to the turnpike. He had been driving only a couple minutes and felt a good distance away. He opened his window. Leaning out he gulped at the breeze. Wind on his face, hair blown back, he felt the foggy dew on his mouth and began to calm.
Guiding the car down the slipway he flicked the signal stalk and drifted into the nearside lane. Reaching the interstate his mind swirled. Thoughts of how he would answer family questions at breakfast began to fill his mind. A high pitched wailing pierced his thoughts; in the rear-view mirror lights lurched into the air, smoke spilled out of torn tyres filling the free-way like morning smog. He pulled onto the hard shoulder a cloud of burning fuel and rubber billowing toward him. Stepping out he saw shadows of vehicles and people. Out of the thickening mist, he saw her. Tennis ball in mouth lurching unevenly.  Her back right leg not touching the ground. She spotted him. Her tail wagged furiously. She hobbled towards him he sunk to his knees felt that involuntary spasm that stirs the stomach and overflows the chest. The leg was badly damaged and fur along her flank was black with matted blood. He picked her up and laid her gently in her bed, tail slowly slapping the floor of the car.
 With his phone he searched for the nearest Vet. Ten minutes later he carried a limp silent bloodied bitch onto a gleaming stainless steel operating table and whispering in her ear begged her to recover. The vet, masked, gestured for him to wait outside.
All he wanted now was for her to survive. How would he explain this all to his girls? He called to explain. The phone answered by a drowsy voice. ‘Hello?’
The vet came into reception, latex gloved fingers streaked red, a plastic apron over green scrubs wearing a mask hooked over ears. She lifted a hand and eyebrows to attract his attention.
‘Sorry darling’. I’ll call you straight back. I promise... Love you.’

___________________________________________________________________________



Thursday, 9 July 2015

Alice

Released from an 8 x 12, barred and shuttered into a limiting world. I had made excuses early to escape. Today I had an appointment to collect my amber eyed princess from her country retreat. She had been away four slab grey days even with the sun  at its summer brightest.
Heading to the car the sun high in its mantle and my mind. A dry day’s dew dampening lip and forehead only a few steps from the air conditioned library. I’d felt a pang of guilt at my first attendance. Having been asked to suggest a prompt I had chosen the rather dull title ‘Driving in my Car'.

I headed out on the journey to collect Alice; wondering. I had done the same trip four days earlier with Alice on the back seat resting quietly, occasional murmurs silenced by soothing sounds of her sleeping. She slept softly snuffles sounding. I drove along the arid ash grey asphalt nervous of a wrong turning focused firmly on my ‘A’ road notes and missing anything interesting on the way.

This time I was more relaxed as I had done the trip before, but some nerves still existed bubbling in my chest. It had been four days. Alice had no doubt been thoroughly spoilt. I knew they had planned lots of special activities for her when she arrived. I hoped she’d be pleased to see me, but I felt unsure. In my wildest imaginings I would never be able to provide the same levels of opportunity and luxury that they could.

Familiarity with the trip meant I was able to look about more and to be truthful I needed too. The worry about how my ebony haired beauty would react on seeing me again was in danger of becoming overwhelming. 'Come on man! Enjoy the bloody drive!'

There were extremes of England along the way and it was fascinating. The ebb of modern and flow of traditional England. The stoic glass and steel edifices of Milton Keynes to the twee and gentle ancient and aged in villages like Wing. The sight that released my mind from the purgatory of worry hove into view fewer than ten miles from my destination. I caught sight briefly of a deep rich red splash against the bright blue sky. Then again, and again. Each time moving gently across my line of sight. Beautiful graceful powerful gentle soaring  gliding effortless Kites. Red Kites; sun bursting through vermilion feathers I was in thrall. I had never seen one in nature and here there were half a dozen at least commanding the sky and overseeing there kingdom.

I slowed to keep them in view longer; craning under the prow of the windscreen, I was overtaken by the thought that it made sense for mythic goddesses to have red hair and blue eyes when you could feel the impact of the flamed feathers against a clear cobalt canopy, Botticelli was right to drape Venus in terracotta tresses against the sea and sky of sad sapphire..
I lost sight of the Kites as the car rolled down the hill; the final half mile to my destination, but they had taken my mind away from my nervous anticipation of seeing my gorgeous girl. I’d arrived, the journey so much shorter than before. I parked up and made my way to reception. They were expecting me. One quick call to her room and a young woman came out to escort me. My mouth felt dry my brow again damp my heart skipping just a little I wondered if she’d missed me as I had missed her.

The girl opened the door and called out to her, 'Alice! Your ride has arrived'.
Then I heard the clatter of feet on the polished floor. She burst through the door and leapt into my open arms, kissing me in her unique way.
I was so happy to have my beautiful black Labrador back.

Sunday, 21 June 2015

It's only Werdz (Contains swearing!)

   
I have a fetish for the steel of words.
People state: “Yer don’t ‘alf kno’
a lot of werdz mate!”
I suppose I do but;
What - a - fucking, Waste!
·          
When some baulk at alternate words
Or pull a forced grimace,
That says “Ooer! ‘ark at you
Wiv’ yer big long werdz.
Flash git ain’t-cha mate!
·          
I recently used (without thinking)
The phrase, ‘a visceral feeling’,
They said “ Yoo wot! You fuckin' nob!
‘ave a drink, un' get down off the ceiling!
·          
So I thought, I know what I shall do
I’ll use this thrall in words,
And try to write some poetry.
‘Fill copious page in fulsome prose’
Use all those words that just mean ‘nose’
And show the world that words;
Are luminescent spears,
That pierce the bugger’s atmospheres.
·          
I found a spot where I was able to
Present my poems incognito
I chose an obscure 'nom de plume'
Shared my first in dread.
·          
The first response from someone said.-
“You have a vast vocabulary friend,
its clear, but here’s 'the rub.'
 
you’re rather
out of step
old son,
That wordy stuff,
been overdone.
Poesies knave's
Simplicity and
Brevity is King!”

Oh! Fuck it then!

The King is dead long live the fucking King!

Tuesday, 16 June 2015

Choose



Some hearts are so split open
You see bleeding in dying eyes
Others get so badly burnt
They taste bitter char on blistered kiss

Some have a lust so vanquishing
You feel them beat their sensuality to death
Others with a lust so debilitating
They stumble in shadowed feelings and miss.

Some with a love so desperate
You smell them in their foetid fear
Others with a love so disfiguring
They hold their faith in a knot wizened fist.

She owns hate to keep
her company; Scorn to keep
her warm; Fear to keep
her lonely - safe from being harmed.

You choose.

Monday, 15 June 2015

Fade...


Heart! O heart! if she'd but turn her head,
You'd know the folly of being comforted.- 
W.B.Yeats

A memory lost – abandoned?
an ideas catch? - for proof
thoughts out-muscle keys,
broken - open wide
piercing monster eye
green - laser point
cuts pasts wounds…
an opaque
membrane’d veil
blocked thoughts escaped;
bleeding nostalgias gum
secreting into soiled bones.
Thick scar white; heavy
glued to grasp and
anchor aches fast ,
   in hollowed chests.



She; seen - denim jeaned
diablo back dressed
in cascade coils of
corn-silk blonde
face hidden –
gavel hearted
called her name
she turning in seducement swathe,
the same: “Yes… do I know you?”
Mouth spilled again
‘I'm sorry ?’ waif-ted from her lips
'Oh! Sweetie I think…
you might mean -my mum.
‘I'm so sorry…’ stumbled in
grey'd
bricks from my mouth.
Thoughts collapsed
tube light,
pin tight encircled by 
life’s warm red shadow...

              it had - begun to 
                     f
.                     a
                        d
                           e



Saturday, 3 August 2013

Emperors Old Clothes

Now What or What Now? 
I was diagnosed two years ago as suffering from "severe clinical depression". 

I have suffered without having the label for all of my adult life and much of my childhood. 

However for much of my adult life I was a reasonably successful manager of people.Being responsible for over 300 at any time and though I often suffered pangs of self doubt in public I was seen to be very confident if not a little arrogant. What I had learned to do was to act and I seemingly I was very good at it because almost no one seemed to suspect.

Avoidance was a good way of keeping my secret. Avoiding close personal relationships friendships leading rather than following (being in charge prevents lots of awkward questions).

Then life changed. I lost my job and with it my authority. I lost my marriage and with it my purpose. I fought for a while to keep it but in the struggle lost my dignity. Worst of all the mechanisms I had perfected for hiding my insecurities stopped working! My real self was on show for all too see. I was the naked Emperor and nothing I did seemed capable of covering my nakedness. I was ashamed of what and who I was.

C.B.T. group therapy, anger management classes, prescription drugs, more prescription drugs. Different prescription drugs, hypnosis, individual psychotherapy, counselling. All these and others have been tried none have had a long term effect some no effect at all. Today I hope... I hope for a solution  in the sure and certain knowledge that there will never be one. I have to find new ways to act that hide my real self. Because the real me is tiresome to the mentally well. To be honest pretty bloody tiresome to me as well.

Of all the "treatments" I have been exposed too the one that seems to have the most effect is this one - writing. More specifically this anonymous writing. It's too simplistic to say its cathartic but it is having an effect it is helping me to understand myself a little better.

Avoid worthlessness. Put a premium on your Dignity!
I realise now that it had long been a wish to be a writer or actor/performer and that along life's meanderings my wishes for myself had been forgotten. Set aside so that the acting me,(the one who was always in charge) could be supporting, understanding even mentoring of everyone else. I became what everyone else wanted and never really ever got to decide who I was. The consequence of this is that I now have no self esteem. I am pleased to find that the real me is actually sensitive, romantic even, that I see more good in others than I used too. Am able to celebrate the successes of others without jealousy. Enjoy reading the words of others and love the ability that the internet offers to engage directly with the author.
I am nervous that amongst my family and friends (many of the former, few of the latter), that these qualities are a little effete and unsubstantial. That's OK for now  I am able to share with the digital ether that is the inter-web.

Sitting here not quite fully clothed.


Stripped of kingdom dignity and all  held dear. Learning to make new. Stitching life threads

together one experience at a time. It's a slow process and you prick your thumb often.

One day we'll have glorious new clothes. (Hopefully!)


ATB



Agides xx


Tuesday, 30 July 2013

Catch 42


Look it up in your favoured browser, the meaning of life is “42”. Douglas Adams may well be smiling at how his apocryphal assertion has become the ultimate answer. But there is a catch.

For me the meaning of life changes dramatically as events along life’s itinerary  impact and it seems to me that these meanderings impact a "mal de tête" person in a disproportionate way.


 The difficulty with the meaning of life whilst suffering a mental illness is that it is in constant flux. Frequently and most damagingly it reaches its nadir in possession of zero meaning. A state reached far too many times and very deeply in recent weeks. Despite a greater understanding of how, one that never feels easier to return from... Whatever you get told!

'There is always the Dog to talk too'

Doctors and psychiatric workers will be horrified by this as its the basic assumption all their work is predicated upon. That the more one understands the factors that precede depressive feelings,the easier you'll find it to modify them’. The reality seems to be that the more one understands, the more one questions the reasons why the pea soup persistently descends. And questions one’s ability to ever permanently prevent it from falling.


The questions you ask yourself are nearly all unanswerable. But often those canvassed by others (not least professionals) bewilder. They are often risible to a malignant, miasmic, mind:

"Have you ever been truly happy?" 
"Have you ever been depression free?"
"Have you ever been hopeful?"
"Tell me why do ‘you’, think you're unhappy"
"Why are you sad?"
"What causes them to start?"
"When is it at its worst?"......;

"What!?"

'20,000  Doubts under the Skull'
Sometimes I forget that those things really exist. There are fleeting moments. Unfortunately guilt persistently swamps the joys just as they are being recognised as such. This guilt is like a cloak that depression wears to cover you in darkness.To make you invisible before joy takes hold too firmly. Then comes the doubt... The doubt that you will ever truly rid yourself of this whirling mass of unanswerable questions. Painful overwhelming doubts. The doubts within the ungraspable dark grey covered  'duck down' duvet. Engorged with the leaden weights of memories too heavy to release from inside this cover. Meant to bring you warmth and comfort. It instead presses down on you in a way that makes you feel as though 'all that you are' is racing to your brain. To escape your body and the only route out is through your eyes. So overwhelmed by the flow that the tears appear as a stream and you wonder if they will ever be 'drops' again. The doubt - the doubt that sows seeds of self deprecation that germinate in rivulets of tears and the swanlike songs of Bunyan's slough"

So there you are mental health problems are really a Catch 22. A paradox where the attempting to escape suffering of depression seems to make the escape impossible and each new attempt makes the next episode more painful and more desperate.

"TOWARDS THE LIGHT! you bloody fool!"
AH! I hear the crowds roar; ' but you proved you can escape so next time you'll feel better because you know you can do it!'

'Really?' how many times do you visit failure before saying 'no more!'

Drink from the puddle the first day you may be quenched drink from it every day you may be trenched.

I have fought back with extreme effort this time. I have walked further with and spoken more to  my dog’s (to reassure myself I still have a voice).Though enjoying these things the respite from my troubled mind looms above me as a terrifying reminder that, the next plummet into the 20,000 doubts under the skull is but a pin prick in a buoyancy tank away. It has left me very tired.

If Adam's is right?; The meaning of a 'Life' with mental health?

It's a Catch 42......